Previously published: Toronto: Viking, 2016.

"From internationally celebrated psychologist Stuart Shanker, a revolutionary new understanding of stress as the key that unlocks kids'--and parents'--most troubling behaviour. There is no such thing as a bad kid. According to world-renowned psychologist Stuart Shanker, even the most frustrating, annoying or troubling behaviour has an explanation. That means there is a way to make things better. Shanker's research has shown that for every child and every adult the ability to thrive--to complete tasks, form friendships, learn, and even love--depends on being able to self-regulate. In the past twenty years neurological research has been showing us a lot about brain states, and what is clear now is that the ability to self-regulate your response to stress is central to all of them. There are dramatic consequences to looking at a child's behaviour through the lens of self-regulation. Above all it discards the knee-jerk reaction that a child who is having trouble paying attention, controlling his impulses, or who gives up easily on a difficult task, is somehow weak or lacks self-discipline or is not making a great enough effort to apply himself. According to Shanker, the ability to self-regulate is limited, though. Like a tank of gas, it eventually dwindles, leaving a kid--or an adult--simply unable to control his or her impulses. That is, misbehaving kids aren't choosing to be difficult. They literally can't help themselves. And what draws down our reserves of self-reg? Stress. Stress of all kinds, from social anxiety to an uncomfortable chair. Control the stress, and the kid can control himself."--